Friday, January 18, 2013


Ok.  The Zombie Apocalypse.  Are you all aware of this? 

GroupDealz is:

So I started thinking about this today when my doorbell rang not once.  But twice.  On two separate occasions.  at 0730 hours this morning and then again at 1530 hours this afternoon.  Ok.  So. People.  I am afraid of everyone.  So when my doorbell rings, I assume the killers are here.  My dog assumes the killers are here.  My child is woken from his slumber.  (That's not really referring to killers, more like something no one should feel comfortable interrupting)

1. Needless to say I do not answer the door when I am not expecting anyone. 
2.  Like it or not the news has terrified me into a glory hole of suspicion that everyone is out to break into my house, murder me in some horrific sequence of events, and steal my child never to be seen again.  So strangers-don't come over or I might accidentally blow you away.  Seriously y'all, did you  hear the story last week about the woman in Georgia-someone broke into her house to rob her, in the middle of the day-a turn of events- he then decides he wants to torture her and her children instead.  This man chased them through three locked doors, cornering her in a crawl space in her own home-luckily she was on the phone with her husband who had 911 on his other phone and under his brilliant direction shot this disgusting man once he broke through the crawl space, I believe her husband's direct quote was to the effect of, "Ok if he opens that door, you shoot him.  Shoot him a lot."  That wretched excuse for a human being actually had the nerve to ask her to stop shooting him with her .38 special.  Um.  Think again, Jack.  Point in case-I'm afraid of killers, robbers, rapists, and generally sketchy behaviors such as doorbell ringing.

      As one may expect my thoughts took a swift left turn to Crazy Town after the second visitor of the day stood on my doorstep.  They are calling for snow tonight  and I realized I didn't have any milk.*

* Plenty of bread.  No milk.  This is the South.  When it's snowing you get gas, eggs, milk and bread.  

      If this were a neighbor coming over with a sawed off shotgun ready to murder me for my food supply...what would I do?  First of all.  I have no idea what I'd do.  Run through three doors, locking them behind me before getting into the crawl space?  That means I have to get the baby up from his nap...  Secondly.  Do I have enough food to steal?  Not really. {All of these thoughts occurred synonymously} I told you this was Crazy Town.  Then I I need it?  I have true life friends {I'm talking to you: Dahle, Robyn, Jessica} who truly believe in being prepared for the apocalypse.  They watch Doomsday Preppers.  Should I watch this?  Is this something I'm behind on that everyone else is already prepared to endure?  Murderous neighbors ready to kill you for your food supply?  Are you preparing for the apocalypse?  So far every girlfriend I've asked about believes a small stockpile is a smart choice.  Well, you know, "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm" {Prov 13:20 ;o)}
Soooooo...does that mean I need some beans and deer jerky to store in my underground bomb shelter? 

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